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Axe and Bow

A Legolas and Gimli fan archive

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by Sparky

Category: Humour
Rating: PG
Warnings: Very silly, innuendo out the wazoo.
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JRR Tolkien. No money is being made and no copyright infringement is intended.
Summary: A potentially incriminating conversation. 
A/N: I've posted this trifle on other lists, but I know it belongs
here, among kindred spirits.

I shouldn't be here. I got lost in this accursed golden wood and came to the sounds of familiar voices. But it's clear I've stumbled on a private meeting.  

"I'm embarrassed to be asking for you help with this, Legolas. It's not something a grown dwarf does."

"Gimli, my friend, I am often baffled by the prudish taboos of the dwarves. There is no shame in this. I gladly lend you all my skill. But you must keep still."

"I shall."

"What's wrong? Won't you show it to me?"

"Yes. But, well, yours is longer."

"And yours is thicker. But this is not a contest. And you need not be concerned with mine. This is for you."

"Alright. I am in your debt."

"Speak not of debt. This will bring me pleasure. All our acts have been so grim of late."

"Legolas, what are you doing?"

"Don't you like it?"


"Then enjoy it. My people always begin in this way. We find it most relaxing and pleasurable."

"Your people are wise."

"Proper preparation should not be underestimated. You see how easy this becomes?"

"Yes...but...the way you moved your fingers...don't stop."

"As you wish."

"What are you doing?!?"

"Improvising. Did I hurt you?"

"No, but...if anyone should see, I would never live it down."

"Their customs are not yours, Gimli."

"Still, it doesn't feel right. Take it out!"

"Don't struggle so. There, it's out. But someday you will learn to like it."

"Perhaps. But that day is not today. I thank you for your kind attentions. Do not hesitate to ask for a return of the favor."

They emerged from the secluded grove. I know the world is changing, and the world I have known is not the whole world. But I never thought to see a dwarf allowing an elf to comb his hair and braid his beard.

the end

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Issue No.: 2.6
Site Last Updated: 11 May 2003
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