Axe and Bow

A Legolas and Gimli fan archive

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The Bad Verse Page

I'm not even going to try to explain this lot. They have been created by the worthies of the Axe_Bow yahoogroup in a fit of ... of whatever it was a fit of, and some idiot (me) decided that we might as well save them for posterity. These verses veer between the charmingly awful and the frankly horrific.

There is some overlap between the verses here, as many of these were in fact collaborative efforts.

By Galadriel Davies

A strapping young dwarf met an elf
And liked him in spite of himself
"He may not be hot,
But he's quite a good shot,
And at least he can reach the top shelf."

* * *

There once was a dwarf from the hills
Who gave all the Uruks the chills
"He scares me to death,"
Said the orc with bad breath
"Because he's racked up *how* many kills?"

* * *

The king of the elves had the blues
When his son was with vile Mary-Sues
Gimli was the last straw
When poor Legs told his pa
Thranduil fainted when he got the news.

By Nimue

Ohhhhh... we're off to scale a mountain, The terrible Mountain of Doom.
We hear it is it is very dark place, a very dark place of gloom! If ever
oh ever a pit there was, the Mountain of Doom is one because, Because
because because because becaaaauuuse,
[addendum by Galadriel Davies]
"Because of the doom-filled things Sauron does!"
Da da, da da, da daaaaaaaa!

* * *

I would while away the hours,
Killing orcs in the Two Towers,
Until all of them were slaaaain,
Lalalala la la....

[addendum by Little My]
With the fury of a blizzard
I would shoot them in the gizzard
And then I'd slice their heads in twaaaaaaaain!

By Emrhys

There once was a dwarf from Erebor
With an elf he rode off to war
From bouncing around
5 feet off the ground
His bum became mighty sore

* * *

Thought an elf named Legolas,
Who was as pretty as any lass
*If that darn Lorien elf,
doesn`t keep his hands to himself,
He`ll find Gimli`s foot up his a~~*

* * *

There once was a Dwarf named Gimli
Who really moved quite primly...
Said Gloin to himself
*He`s worse than an elf*
*No son of mine*, he thought grimly.

* * *

Somewheeere, over Barad-dur, way up high,
Floats a thing that I'm scared of, a lidless fiery eye...

* * *

I could while away the hours,
Killing orcs and storming towers,
With Gimli at my si-ide.

No caves will I be fearin,
When I am with my dear un
I love that dwarf of mine.

[Addendum by Little My]
Denethor, Boromir's sire,
Put Faramir on a pyre,
We think he's quite insaaaaane...

* * *

Somewhere, over the Anduin, way up high,
There's an evil approaching, darker than the night sky

Somewhere, over the Anduin, Nazgul fly,
An arrow flies over the Anduin,
And knocks it from the sky.

By Little My

Someday I'll wake up in Mordor,
And Sauron's scary minions will surround meeeeee..

Trapped inside a living hell,
Alone and naked in my cell,
That's where Sam will find meeeeeeee...

* * *

There was a Dwarf named Gimli,
Who really moved quite primly.
He said: "In matters of stealth,
'Tis good to walk like an elf,
Though my body is not built so slimly!"

* * *
We're off to see the Dark Lord,
the evil Lord of the Rings,
We hear he is a powerful foe,
If ever a foe there was.
If ever a fell Lord there was,
The Lord of the Rings is one because,
Because, because, because, because, because,
Because of the terrible things he does!

* * *

Somewheeeeeeere, over the parapet,
Orcs doooooo fly
Orcs fly oooooover the parapet,
With my arrows in their eeeeeeeeeyes

By Myst

There was a young hobbit named Frodo
Who was going the way of the dodo*
He met his friend Sam
Who gave him a hand
Ánd now they're destroying great mojo**

*I'm not entirely sure that Middle Earth had dodos, but I figure,
hey, they have horses and mushrooms. Why not dodos?

** Magic, for those of you who've never followed Buffy or anything
like that.

By Honesty

I'm forever firing arrows
Pretty arrows in the air
They fly so high, Nearly reach the sky
Then hit that orc right in the eye.

I must keep on counting
Dead orcs everywhere
I'm forever firing arrows
Pretty arrows in the air

Gimli's always swinging axes
Nasty axes everywhere
He swings so high, with a battle cry
That with one strike more orcs shall die

Arrows always firing
Axes everywhere
We're forever killing Uruks
Hear the screaming in the air

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Issue No.: 2.6
Site Last Updated: 11 May 2003
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